I had a conversation with someone yesterday on Yahoo! Messenger, and eventually it led to him asking, “Do you believe in God?”.
This kinda threw me off and made me go to defensive mode. Uh, oh. I knew what was coming because this is usually the start of a ‘religious debate’.
So I said what I have always told everybody.
Dude: Do you understand the Bible?
Me: I know most of it, but I don’t understand all of it.
Dude: Then how do you believe in God if you don’t understand the Bible?
What? This was a weird question. Because in believing something you don’t have to necessarily understand it. But I did the foolish thing.
Me: Because I just do.
Bah. Then I went off saying:
Me: Well, I believe in love but I don’t understand it.
Dude: I see.
Me: I believe in my friends, but I don’t understand them most of the time.
So far, so good.
Dude: What religion are you?
Me: I was raised in a Methodist church, but I accepted God as my Saviour.
That was true, yet I felt so uncertain. Why?
Dude: So you think you will go to heaven?
Another thing that threw me off. How can I answer this?
Me: Some say that we will, but I’m not sure myself. I still have a lot of questions to ask.
Dolt! I didn’t think I answered that right. Whatever happened to things I learned about in Sunday School, Christian summer camps and retreats?!
Me: But I do believe in life after death.
Dude: I see.
The dude was all “I see” and “Okay” throughout the conversation and nothing else. I didn’t know what he felt or what he believed in. Maybe he was searching…like I apparently was.
I realized that I was so hesitant in answering. Was I that unsure of my faith? That insecure about letting it out to someone I don’t know? It shouldn’t be the case. Maybe I haven’t been really open about it, that it’s been buried deep within me and I didn’t want to let it out. It’s like keeping a secret I’ve hoarded for so long. It shouldn’t be the case, and I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I had let the Lord down. *prays a prayer of forgiveness* I need to get back in the saddle, that’s for sure.