Why is it that weekends seem so short?
How come I stay up late so much?
Why do people keep calling when I’m asleep and never do when I’m awake?
Why is it I get hungry in the middle of the night?
Why is it that on days I’m off, I don’t want to do anything, and when I’m not off, I want to do something?
Should there be a 4-day-week and 3-day-weekend law?
When is monotony going to end?
I Have Cramps 
1. weekends are too short
3. I think people call when you are asleep because you are a night-hawk and keep different waking and sleeping hours. No?
4. I get hungry in the middle of the night too. Good question.
5. I think number five is a definite sign that you need a holiday. Seriously.
6. I reckon there should be a four day week as long as the hours are extended from 8 to 10 to make up for the loss in the overall loss economies would experience.
As for 2 and 7 ??
OH! OH! I know! The monotony is going to end when you dress a capuchin monkey in a tutu and take him to the arcade. There are always a bunch of hippie PETA freaks in arcades. One of them will start yelling at you for being cruel to animals, and you can start yelling back. “Have you ever even been to Africa???” And they’ll be all, “Yeah, my grandmother lives there.” And you could be all like, “Well, MY grandmother lives in… California… so THERE.” Then the capuchin monkey will start throwing feces (not necessarily his own, you are in an arcade after all). That’s when a man in a chef’s hat dressed in a leotard will run in and steal all of your leftover turkey. Then you’ll be sad.
I probably need to get some sleep too.